Funny Farm

The one in Rubery was just down the road from us - I believe the building is still there, but I might be wrong on that.

When I was at school I'm ashamed to say that the insult "Monny" was in frequent usage. This referred to Monyhull Hall hospital near the Cartland Arms, between Kings Norton and Kings Heath. This was a bit more than a psychiatric hospital, as it housed people with the severest of mental illnesses. My grandma had a child late in life who was completely mentally handicapped - couldn't talk, was deaf, completely bald and in no way in control of his body. Nan and Georgie lived next door to us, and we had an open gateway between the two houses. I was used Georgie as he was around for much of my childhood before he became too much for my nan and my mum and he ended up in Monyhull. So he didn't scare me, but he used to nick my sandwiches when I was gawping at the telly instead of getting on with eating. But he terrified my mates when they came round my house, and I can fully understand why.

Anyway, at school anyone who who acted foolishly or said something stupid would have "Monny" shouted at them. But I never heard the phrases which Mulv mentions.  

We used to refer to Rubery a lot when we were kids. Also Hatton Lumatic asylum on the outskirts of Warwick; It was demolished about 30 years ago and posh houses built on the site.

Chrissies Mom was a cook at Coleshill Hall Hospital. The patients used to set off the fire alarms regularly to see the fire engines race to the scene. We lived across the road from the fire station and several of our neighbours were volunteer firemen and were always being called out. It was the easiest money they ever made.

On a more serious note though, Chrissies Mom drove a Talbot Samba and the patients smashed it up and wrote it off for "something to do". Not by driving it but by hurling big stones from the gardens at it.

That Samba was awful. I had to drive it once, I forget why. It had all dangly things hanging from the rear view mirror, teddy bears on the parcel shelf that slid about when you turned a corner, and round green velour pleated cushions on the rear seat.

I have never been so embarrassed in my life driving a car.

She replaced it with a Chrysler Horizon which was better, marginally. That was written off too. Chrissies little brother, aged 16, "borrowed" it put it in a ditch then reported it as stolen to the police.

It must have run in the family. Chrissies older brother Peter had a Chrysler Alpine which was bloody quick for the time.

When young David finally passed his test his Mom bought him another Horizon.

Both rusted away at an alarming rate.

My weirdest experience of playing cricket was when I was about 18 and playing for Alvechurch 3rd XI, i.e. not a very high level. We were asked to play a "friendly" match against the inmates of HMP Hewell Grange, a juvenile "facility" between Bromsgrove and Redditch.

Obvs it was an away game (think "Porridge the Movie"!) and the member of staff who looked after us told us to make sure that once we were changed we took everything we needed out with us because the changing room would be locked, again "for obvious reasons"!

Anyway, luckily we won the toss and batted first, otherwise the game would have been over in about an hour. Our batsmen enjoyed themselves, although the opposition had a couple of very swift West Indian bowlers, and they fielded with enormous energy and enthusiasm.

When they came to bat me and my opening partner mopped up 9 wickets (there was a run out as well) and I think my figures were something like 4 wickets for 5 runs, and they were dismissed for 21. The match was done and dusted shortly after 5pm and I was back in the pub around 7.

I don't think we played them again.

Napsbury - Barnet
Leavesden - Watford